BUT ARE YOU DOING IT RIGHT?

What is it about doing anything faintly health related that makes people quiz you up down and sideways?

1.   “I go for a walk every morning .” you say conversationally.

Then they get that look in their eye.

How long do you walk for?

You know it’s no  good unless it’s at least half an hour?

What pace do you walk at?   It’s no good if you dawdle.

Do you swing your arms?   It’s much better for you if you do?

I’ll write down your advice !

2,  “Actually I’m not much of a drinker.” you say.

There’s that look again.

Oh but a glass of red wine is good for you! The Mediterraneans don’t suffer from heart problems like we do.

Insurance companies like to know that you drink a little.

Yikes… maybe I should take up the habit.

3. “I use Olive Oil.

Is that cold or in cooking?   Because  it’s lethal if you use it for cooking. You should use vegetable oil for cooking.

Well if ever I want to murder you I’ll know what I’ll use!

4.  I’ve taken up swimming.

How many lengths do you do?   Swimming does nothing unless you’re swimming lengths.

Swimming will damage you neck unless you put your face in the water.

Or I could just put your face in the water !

5. I can’t stand those I-can-definitely-believe-it’s-not-butter substitutes

Sharp intake of breath.   But butter will kill you!

There are more ways of choking a cat than stuffing butter down it’s neck… now I wonder… what effect it would that have on humans?