PRESS REGULATIONS I’D LIKE TO SEE

Journalist have been  recently getting excited about the new Press Regulations in Britian. Here are some regulations I’d like to see.

1.If you criticise sombody’s physical appearance you MUST publish a photograph of yourself and your photographer, And you must provide your own chest,waist and hip measurements.

2. If you expose a celebrity for the normal misbehaviours of youth you must
a. prove that the information is vital to public interest.
b. Prove conclusively that you yourself have never indulged in such behaviours.

3. If you wax lyrical about a female celebrity who has lost her baby fat in a ridiculously short length of time after giving birth with the implication that the rest of us are lazy cows. You will be publicly whipped outside a Maternity Hospital.

4. If, while reporting a woman’s achievements, you comment on her appearance, you shall be put in the stocks in a public place and have rotten eggs thrown at you by every female who chooses to take part.

5. If you automatically includes a person’s age when it is irrelevant, you shall be tied to a bungee cord and dunked ten times in the river. 

6. If you publically express shock and horror at the salary of a public servant you must also reveal your own own salary.